think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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