When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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