I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
last night I used snow as a chaser
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
