Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize