my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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