Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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