Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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