That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
