If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
