we're chasing vodka with high fives
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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