Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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