So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
