I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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