proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
