I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
