Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
