i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i think i just lost a toe
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
