After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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