You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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