He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
