wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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