Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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