yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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