I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
