I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
