like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
