do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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