You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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