she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
