Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
