i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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