I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
