I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
