Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
