Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
