He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
