My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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