dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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