remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
