Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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