Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
