so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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