I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
