oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
