just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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