Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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