I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
