Can i not drive my cunt home
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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