Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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