Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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