She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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