Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
