Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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