I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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