You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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