i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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