he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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