She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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