Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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