Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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