Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
