so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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