I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
