After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
