I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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