Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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