Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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