Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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