4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
