man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
