you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
