apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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