You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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