You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
