This girl is more easily done than said...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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