sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
