I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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