I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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