I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize