Whod you bang
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
