Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
