I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
