Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
