You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
