My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
