I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
