He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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