Will you blow on my dice?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
