All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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