she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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